Relationships.
Once there was a man who had a dream of climbing a mountain because he wanted to see the beautiful view and higher perspective from the top. He worked hard, dreamed big, stayed committed, didn’t get distracted, and kept his eyes always focused on the peak. After about 35 years of climbing, the man reached the top. The view was exhilarating and fulfilling. The man was satisfied. However, after about an hour of enjoying his achievement, the man looked around. He was alone. Yes, he was at the top of the mountain of his dreams, but he was alone. He was satisfied, but not contented. As he sat on the rocks and watched the sun rise and fall, watched the stars come out, he thought to himself, “What do I do now?”
Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like I ask myself that question about 10 times a day. I fly from one thing to the next, trying to “just finish this project,” or “get through that class,” but then, when I do and the hustle and bustle is over and I’m alone in my room, I feel lost. Suspended in midair. So alone. I forget to remember that there’s no other view like the one you have right now, even at the top.
Disney’s “The Greatest Showmen” tells the tale of a boy who rose from being a homeless newspaper boy to a famous “showman” with several performing acts and thousands of fans. Near the end of the show, right when it seems like he’s at the pinnacle of his career, his wealth, fame, and family are all taken from his in a sudden chain of events that leaves him penniless and alone in a bar. As he sit’s there pondering on what a failure he feels he has become, his eyes rest on a picture on the wall of him and his family, and, (referring to the crowds and fans he had recently lost), he says: “For years and years I chased their cheers; the crazy speed of always needing more. But when I stop and see you here, I remember who all this was for.”
Like P.T. Barnam, I’ve recently been feeling a little lost in my life (maybe you can relate). I felt I had been doing everything I could to improve myself, but I didn’t feel like it was making any substantial difference, and that in a lot of the goals and habits I had been working on, I had fallen right back to square one. Hoping to gain some more insight on why I wasn’t seeing the results I felt I should be, I wrote down a list of each of the activities and classes I was currently involved in. Up to that time, I thought I had done an excellent job filling my schedule with things that would make me happy, but as I went along, I was surprised to find that many of the things I was involved in were driven out of fears I had and pressure I felt from myself and others. I also realized that the subjects that brought me the most joy, from education to interests and hobbies, were all centered around positive relationships. Even my religion is centered around having a personal relationship with a devotion to God. As I continued to ponder on the idea that people and relationships are what bring joy and meaning into life, I came across a thought that made me uncomfortable: If positive relationships are the key to joy, then why do almost if not all relationships at some point come to an end? Puzzled and a bit frustrated with the question, I called one of my friends to ask for some help. I ended up saying something to the effect of: “Well, why even bother then? Why should I pour all this time and effort into my relationships if I know someday they’re just going to hurt me when they end?” My friend replied with a perspective I love that went something along the lines of: “Just because someone leaves doesn’t mean your relationship with them is over. The impact they’ve made on you, the way you think and act and what you believe, stays and grows with you the rest of your life. They become a part of you and you become a part of them that no time or distance can destroy. If you’re not willing to fail, you’ll never succeed.”
So, if you’re struggling with a relationship (or lack of relationship) in your life (and I’m pretty positive we all are or all will at some point) and feel like you want to try to do something about it, here are some things that can maybe get you thinking:
Keep climbing your peak and chasing your dreams, but maybe, every once in awhile take some time to looking up at the stars, let yourself feel the sharp, cool rock beneath your fingers, breath the wind that twirls around you, breathlessly listen to the bird trilling on a branch just out of reach, and the sun rising just out of sight yet still managing to fill up the world with light. And then, when you reach that peak, you won’t have to be uncertain about where you’re going next because you’ll have learned why you climbed to begin with.
Dream big. But don’t let that dream distract you from why you had it in the first place.
Relationships don’t just end when you say goodbye.
And finally, in the words of an old African proverb: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
As a bonus, here are some of my favorite quotes on relationships:
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable…To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis (“The Four Loves”)
“Each passing day what time takes away your heart makes new…Looking back is something to look forward to.” — Mae Tuck (Tuck Everlasting)
“If, of three friends (A, B, and C), A should die, then B loses not only A but ‘A’s part in C’, while C loses not only A but ‘A’s part in B'. In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I (need) other lights than my own to show all his facets.” - C.S. Lewis (“The Four Loves”)
“The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.” — Charles Dickens
“Sometimes you’re so busy imagining the cake you’re going to eat for your birthday next week, that you forget to taste the honey in your mouth right now.” —Anonymous
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself…it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” - C.S. Lewis (“The Four Loves”)
“You don’t need everyone to love you. Just a few good people.” — Charity Barnum (The Greatest Showmen)
